Ed Hunter’s Guide to Life After Recruitment: Alternative Career Paths

A while ago, I engaged in a LinkedIn comment war with a “CEO” of a company who truly believed that they had the product that would “make recruitment agencies obsolete”.

I wish I could give you more information on the business, but it was 6 months back and since then I genuinely haven’t seen anything from them or heard of the product since. I am still in a job and I even made a placement yesterday, so I can only assume they haven’t reached their goal just yet.

But it got me thinking. Should a product/business/internal role take over and mean that no one needs us recruiters; what could we all do with our Social Science 2:2?? Whilst I’m sure you lot could come up with some crackers, here are mine.

MI5 agent:

It took the US 13 years to find Bin Laden. It took me half a day to find a German and Korean speaking legal counsel who had experience in the video game (not just software) industry. And as for lie detectors… pffff I can tell within 1 second of hearing “he’s in a meeting right now” that it’s a load of rubbish!

Overhauling every intelligence agency with recruiters could save thousands of lives every year. The James Bond franchise would be changed forever, imagine James rocking up to Tiger Tiger and ordering a Stella with a Jaeger bomb chaser.

Traffic Wardens:

If they were paying commission and recruiters were on the beat I have no doubt that there wouldn’t be a car on the road during the week.

“What’s that? You only went in to get a lotto ticket…??”

Well better hope you win pal. It’s my appraisal tomorrow and I’m a mile off my KPI’s.

As for the abuse traffic wardens receive, it’s nothing! They’re lucky they haven’t experienced the waste of everyones time that is recruiter-bashing on LinkedIn. 

Party Planner:

One thing remains constant in the recruitment industry, we know how to throw a party… Well… Sort of…

At the end of the year you think back over the year and all of the company do’s you’ve been to. The first thought is “they were all amazing”. But if you really think about them weren’t they all just piss-ups…? There were no ice sculptures magicians or fire eaters… it was always lunch and a huge bar tab! And you know what…. They were awesome!!

Imagine the consultation:

“Basically what we’re going to arrange for your wedding reception at All Bar One.”

“What about decoration?”

“There will be half a dozen ‘happy new year’ balloons placed delicately around the room”

“Will there be entertainment?” –

“We’ve invited a few internal recruiters along with a bottle of bubbly each so yes… yes there will be. We take no responsibility for flirting, fighting or these guests being generally quite boring.”

Shepherd:

Surely organising 1,000 sheep is going to be easier than dealing with 15 customer services temps starting on the same day?

Sheep won’t give excuses like: “I’m really ill but it has nothing to do with the fact it was my birthday yesterday” OR “I can’t go in today as my mum’s a psychic and has warned me of impending danger outside of the house”

Sheep will also not apply directly to another shepherd without telling you, nor will they turn up in anything other than appropriate attire… unlike the guy who wore his Family Guy tie to his interview for a risk analyst role!! Because… “my other tie had a stain” – who only has 2 ties when one of them is a Family Guy tie!!!

So there we go. It’s not all doom and gloom when the recruitment industry implodes. We can certainly be useful in other occupations, and you could take your pick from the above. Here are some close runner ups: 

Tube Driver: I’ve always wanted to go on strike

Magician: The amount of times I’m expected to pull CV’s out of my A*** surely pulling something out of a hat won’t be too different

Internal Recruiter: I’m sure there are a couple of relevant skills we have but I’d try all of the above before this one!

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