Ed Hunter: Of Course You Use Words Like Wellbeing

I don’t get to share as many email chains these days. Sadly I think the world’s become a little more understanding of each other since last year.

No doubt they’ll become more frequent as we’re allowed out the house once more.

Hey, maybe not? Maybe animosity will remain a thing of the past. Maybe we’ll all continue to treat each other with love and respect.

I jest of course.

Here’s a recent ‘client’ of my colleague’s doing his absolute best to alienate everyone he meets.


From: Danny
Date: Thursday 21 Jan 09:15
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: FW: Kate

Mate, Sasha just got this from Kevin at _________________. She’s still off unwell, think you know the candidate -you able to step in for me?

From: Kev T
Date: Thursday 21 Jan 09:12
To: Sasha, L.
Subject: Kate

Morning Sasha,

I’m afraid it’s a no go on Kate. She failed the Coding test over the weekend. We really need great skills in that department, even for someone in a non-technical role.

This was in the job spec so a little surprised you’ve wasted her time.

I’ve got another URGENT role I need CV’s for. Attached the spec!

Salary’s £20-22k max!!

SEnd over anyone you’ve got.

Kevin

*attachment: Office Manager Job Spec 2235


From: Ed Hunter
Date: Monday 25 Jan 11:34
To: Kev T
Subject: Re: Kate

Morning Kevin,

Ed here, Sasha’s manager (who’s unfortunately off unwell). We’ve not worked together before. I have tried to catch you on the phone the last 2 days.

Can I just double check why you need coding skills for this role? I was under the impression Sasha was helping you source a Project Manager position?

I’m happy to go back to Kate, but would be great to sanity check the requirements before we discount her. She’s a great candidate.

Could you speak now?

Ed

07___________


From: Kev T
Date: Monday 25 Jan 11:45
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: Kate

Ed,

No I haven’t got time to talk to recruiters about every decision I make!

It’s not my job to help you be less shit. Kate not of interest I’m afraid.

If you’ve got CV’s for the other role I’ll see them. Please include names.

Kevin

From: Ed Hunter
Date: Monday 25 Jan 12:13
To: Kev T
Subject: Re: Kate

Kevin,

I’ve just scanned some of the previous emails from you… seems you speak to Sasha like this a lot. Honestly, I wish I’d known sooner.

Kate’s an outstanding PM who I’ve worked with for many years. Which is just one of the reasons I’m glad this was a no, for her sake.

Oh, and just so I’m right on the other “spec”… was it this one?

If so, you need more help than I thought.


From: Kev T
Date: Monday 25 Jan 13:23
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: Kate

Why’s that then? You seem to know an awful lot about my business for someone whose never spoken to me before.

The last person I hired in this role was doing them things. they left, hence we need someone knew.

If you can’t help. thats not my problem, is it!!


From: Ed Hunter
Date: Monday 25 Jan 13:46
To: Kev T
Subject: Re: Kate

Did they leave to go build a new pyramid, under the whimsical working conditions of Ramesses the Oppressor?

Recruitment, social media, solving your problems (WITH A SMILE), branding, managing a team, and suppliers, and parts, and clients.

If you find someone for this, I’d consider torturing them until you find the elixir of youth they’re drinking.


From: Kev T
Date: Monday 25 Jan 14:19
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: Kate

I really wouldn’t give up your day job for comedy. The fact I’ve recruited 3 people to this position in 12 months proves I’m better at your job than you are.

Surely that’s pretty embarassing?!

From: Ed Hunter
Date: Monday 25 Jan 14:25
To: Kev T
Subject: Re: Kate

3 people in 12 months 😂 That’s not a good thing mate.

I’d say it’s more indicative of the fact people are desperate.

Coercing someone to do five jobs at once will mean they’re underperforming in all of them, meaning they’re constantly on edge and you’re criminally underpaying them for the pleasure.

From: Kev T
Date: Monday 25 Jan 14:38
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: Kate

I knew your agency was going to be shit when the CV’s didn’t even have names on them!

From: Ed Hunter
Date: Monday 25 Jan 14:42
To: Kev T
Subject: Re: Kate

Kev mate, we do that to cut out bias.

A lot of our clients have applauded us for the way we represent candidates as it’s helped them hire more diversely.

Not something you’re keen on, no? 😂

From: Kev T
Date: Monday 25 Jan 14:51
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: Kate

I’m not your mate!

It CLEARLY wastes time interviewing someone you already know you won’t get on with, doesn’t it! Like this chat!

I need to like my staff Ed. Once you’ve built a successful business you might understand that pal!

From: Ed Hunter
Date: Monday 25 Jan 15:39
To: Kev T
Subject: Re: Kate

Kevin,

Hope you’re well.

Here’s a CV you might be interested in for the role above.

Kind regards,

Ed

*attachment: CV Candidate 7347


From: Kev T
Date: Monday 25 Jan 16:01
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: Kate

IT HASN”T GOT A NAME ON! AGAIN!

If your not going to play by my rules I’m not interested! Go bother someone else!!


From: Kev T
Date: Monday 25 Jan 16:03
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: Kate

Wait, where have you got my CV?!

I suggest you delete that document before I do you for GDPR!


From: Ed Hunter
Date: Monday 25 Jan 16:09
To: Kev T
Subject: Re: Kate

I meant it’s freely available online.

Ironically, I’d consider sending it out anonymous, should your Temple of Doom not work out.

Likelihood is, people might be put off if they see it’s you.


From: Kev T
Date: Monday 25 Jan 16:28
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: Kate

Delete my details and tell Sasha and your boss you’ve lost a client.


From: Ed Hunter
Date: Monday 25 Jan 16:31
To: Kev T
Subject: Re: Kate

I don’t think there’ll be any tears.

In fact, I’m going to include this exchange in our wellbeing chats.

Anyone who encounters someone like you has express permission to take the rest of the day off.

Hey, we could add Wellbeing Trainer to your anonymous CV?


From: Kev T
Date: Monday 25 Jan 17:22
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: Kate

Of course you use words like wellbeing! Hahaha!


Obviously you can see why I was compelled to share this one.

Please, if you take anything from this exchange, make it this:

If your ‘client’ is hiring for loads of jobs rolled into one ‘generalist’ or ‘manager’ they’re probably a charlatan.

And it’s most likely a terrible choice for you, and any candidate, to waste time on.

Another good sign is anyone who laughs at the word ‘wellbeing’.