Ed Hunter: ‘Twas the Week Before Christmas

‘Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the place
Not a Recruiter was stirring, even in the temp space.
Headsets were flung on the desks with neglect,
In hopes that the local was open to get wrecked.

Directors paid the bar tab and shuffled off home,
With visions of job offers emailed to their phones.
My Resourcer in her scarf and I in my coat,
Trudged in on the tube to keep the business afloat.

When a client called in, chat far from a natter,
“The temp you guys sent’s a walking disaster.”
Away to LinkedIn I flew like a flash,
A full refund for Christmas I needed like a rash.

“You told me this candidate would fit like a glove,
But he can’t read or write and keeps calling me bruv”
And, just as my hope was set to disappear,
I found a Unicorn candidate who was good, but shit he was deer.

From his rear-end, light shone like the sun,
To get him on board a yarn must be spun.
“Fantastic Opportunity” was the usual recruitment claim,
But for this guy I knew that line was too tame!

“He’s worth it I promise, his CVs f*cking sweet!
He won’t answer his phone, but he might see this tweet?”
“I appreciate your fervour Ed, you’re great on this desk,
But my experience with you guys has been f*cking grotesque!”

WhatsApp groups are on fire, they’re all off their tree,
And I’m stuck with this moron defending a fee.
Sick of sobriety, we decide to get plastered,
Why’s this client called on Christmas?! The Ebeneezer b*stard.

And then, from my phone, a solitary beep,
It’s only the Unicorn, he’s replied to my tweet!
He sounds quite keen, but thinks he knows the Manager,
Which somehow he’s detected in 280 characters.

“I’ll be honest with you Ed, they can’t afford my rates,
it’s so close to Christmas I’ve enough on my plate.
Can I ask who the client is? I think I might know them.”
“If you’re thinking of going direct, you’ve very much mistaken!”

“If they’re willing to pay, I’ll do it as a favour!”
Who knew a tweet could be such a life-savour.
My Resourcer, now hammered, a shriek she let out,
When sober, she’s shy, turns out she’s a lout.

“It took a lot of work but he’ll be there in the morning”
What started out frosty, now seemed to be thawing.
“Never give up” was her lesson to take,
And if she could get his rate down I’d by her a steak.

She picked up the phone, her eyes in a mist,
Negotiating hard, half determined, half pissed.
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

“With skills like that, you should drink much more often.
But a sober recruiter’s something fairly uncommon.”
With a tap of her nose, she reached to the floor,
And pulled a bottle of whiskey from out her top drawer!

She sprang to her feet, and rang on the bell,
“A Christmas Miracle Ed! We work together so well!”
With a beer and a chuckle we lock up for Christmas,
Ed Hunter and Resourcer yet again save the business!

Merry Christmas Everyone! 

Have one on me. I’ll be back in the new year with bigger and better recruitment content.

Ed Hunter