Ed Hunter: Timely Job Ads for Premier League Football Teams

Like 2billion of the population around me, I don’t mind a bit of Premier League football.

Naturally, because I’m a recruiter, I also have a fair interest when recruitment and football combine.

The Transfer Window. Silly season.

Bids are ‘slapped’ in. Resolves ‘tested’. Clubs are ready to ‘pounce’, ‘swoop’ and ‘snare’. Players are ready to turn up unannounced at different clubs in their motors. Our ‘Arry razzing round country lanes hoping to bump into a Journo.

But regardless of official windows, most clubs are constantly recruiting. Whether tapping up players or hiring lawyers to battle their latest balls up.

So today, I decided look to at the latest LinkedIn updates from our heroes. In a bid to see what they might be looking for from now until the summer.

Just before ‘it’ comes home!

Ole Gunnar Head of Recruitment LinkedIn Job Ad

Unsurprising Ole didn’t get much engagement on this one.

Recruiting for struggling teams is difficult. Just ask your Non Billing Manager how they’re doing finding you a counterpart.

Ole’s foul language may be the reason for the lack of likes. Or he’s new to LinkedIn and doesn’t know about sob stories yet.

Cause if he shared his, he’d be flying.

Jürgen Klopp LinkedIn Job Ad

Can’t do much wrong at the moment can he?

Jürgen wins one cup and with the help of VAR overtakes club legend Stevie in no time at all.

Must be a nice change for the reds considering their all time club legend averaged 4th place over his career. In recruitment terms that’s borderline irrelevant.

Anyway sorry United fans, but Liverpool could be top billers for some time. In fact, scrap that I’m not sorry.

Neither’s Jürgen.

It’s like he’s joined the business, taken your niche and then married your sister.

Pep Guardiola LinkedIn Job Ad

Pep’s gone for humour

Sometimes a tricky angle to take on LinkedIn, but I think you’ll agree he’s nailed it.

My sources tell me this isn’t the only role Pepe’s currently working. There’s an opportunity for a new team of Ticket Touts to flog tickets at literally any price possible. Uncapped commission too. And 10% staff discount at Zara.

He’s probably not looking for Brits mind, as you need to get through border control hassle free.

Jose Mourinho LinkedIn Job Ad

Bit cryptic this from José.

Probably why it’s got nearly 12,000 likes.

Bizarre performs well.

Unlike Spurs.

In fairness, they’ve now hired a serial winner to try and change their fortunes.

Will they ever be Top Biller? I fear not.

Karren Brady LinkedIn Job Ad

It’s funny how bad references don’t hit as hard in football

I mean, take the owners of West Ham FC.

Go and ask Birmingham City what they think of Gold, Sullivan and Brady. In recruitment terms, they took a bang average recruitment team and made them worse. You’d literally have to change career with that on your recruitment CV.

Somehow they’ve moved to ‘greener’ pastures.

Although West Ham are to London what Bham City are to Birmingham I suppose.

Perennially second fiddle.

Sounds a bit like your recruitment career doesn’t it?

Mike Ashley LinkedIn Job Ad

Unsurprisingly it doesn’t look like anyone’s a fan of Mike online

Or offline for that matter.

Mike’s like that total sh*t CEO you really can’t stand, but also pays your commission.

Luckily, he knows he’s off the pace in the ideas department. So he’s hired a forward-thinking strategy man to keep the ball rolling.

Steve Bruce. The most Non-Billing Managery Manager of Premier League Managers.

Who in case you weren’t aware, has written a trilogy of football novels.

Sky Sports LinkedIn Job Ad

It’s exploitation… AND IT’S LIVE!

Sky Sports ABSOLUTELY LOVE recruitment season in the Premier League.

So much so, there’s a suggestion they run rumours as ‘fact’ on their many LIVE channels, and then offer betting markets with seductive odds to lure you in. All for stories which will never come to fruition.

To be clear, that’s not what I’m saying, just that it’s been suggested.

Think about that though. It’s like opening ‘book’ on your current pipeline and purposely misleading your manager, so they bet money on outcomes you already know won’t happen.

Weird it’s not happened in recruitment already come to think of it.

Sir Alex Ferguson LinkedIn Job Ad

If you want a job done properly…

Pressure the ref into doing it for you.

If there’s a man alive today who loved both recruitment and football, it’s Sir Alex Ferguson.

If he was a recruiter he’d work to 75% standard terms on all placements and still have clients falling over themselves to work with him.

Funny old game isn’t it.

Jumpers for goalposts, here.

I’ve been implored to point out, this article is satirical in nature and does not reflect the views or personal opinions of the individuals or organisations represented.