Ed Hunter: The Ladybird Book of Recruitment

Can you believe it? A real book deal from yours truly, on the only topic worth reading about… recruitment.

I’ve even found a decent Illustrator, just until the official guys take over, for the book.

These will be printed and on the shelves just in time for ‘Secret Santa’.

If you’d like to pre-order a copy, come at me in the comments.

If you’re happy enjoying it digitally, there’s a sizeable snippet below…


The All Hands Meeting

Ed Hunter All Hands Meeting Ladybird

The team have been called into an All Hands Meeting.

These meetings provide a chance for everyone to connect as a team and discuss high level strategy.

This week’s strategy lesson comes in the form of a nifty catchphrase.

“Back to basics, please gang!” bellows the boss.

David nods in agreement whilst clicking ‘Apply’ on a job ad he’s seen for a Zoo Keeper.


Candidate Calls

Ed Hunter Ladybird Phone Call

Daz is on the phone to a happy candidate.

Geoff was delighted with the offer, but his wife has raised some queries.

Although these were answered in the first interview, this call gives Daz another chance to show his professionalism.

“Hi Geoff” says Daz excitedly, as he searches ‘Rehab clinics’ on Google Maps.


KPIs

Ed Hunter Ladybird KPI Woman Smiling

Jazmine is completing KPIs

This is an important part of her job and shows her boss just how hard she works.

“Let’s see… 25 new clients added to the database” smiles Jaz, filling out her form.

Jazmine knows she’s a great recruiter. She hasn’t made any money yet, but that’s just a matter of time.

If she’s not billed in 3 months, she’ll move companies for a well deserved £10k pay rise.


Lunchtime

Ed Hunter Ladybird Eating at Desk

Chris is eating lunch.

This is the only part of the day which doesn’t make him sad. The worst part of Chris’s day is straight after lunch, as he looks at his empty plate, full of regret.

“Gym tomorrow” thinks Chris as he opens another packet of crisps.


Admin Support

Ed Hunter Ladybird Admin Contract

Dani from Admin is helping Sam fill out his contract.

“We need a contact number for your girlfriend here” says Dani, “just in case of emergency.”

“It’ll have to be my mum for now” says Sam.

Dani’s plan’s worked. This will be her 7th office relationship, but the vibes between the two are unquestionably X-Rated.

“I wonder whether I can change him to someone I actually like as a person?” ponders Dani. 

Sam writes down his fiancee’s phone number titled ‘Mum’.

“Another one bites the dust” he sends on the Lads WhatsApp group.


Client Meetings

Ed Hunter Ladybird Client Meeting

Toby is meeting a client.

He’s taken his two colleagues Shanice and Bex.

They really have the magic touch when it comes to this hiring manager.

Mistaking sexual enthusiasm for buying signals, Toby suggests offering all 3 candidates in process.

Bex feels something brush her knee as the client gives two thumbs up.

“Wow!” she thinks, “experienced and talented.”

Toby is a really great Account Manager.


Friday afternoons

Ed Hunter Ladybird Toilet Man

Rex is on the toilet.

He’s been in here for 48 minutes.

He can hear a queue of people outside.

“They sound angry” he thinks.

Rex finds, if he takes off his shoes, he can properly relax.

After this episode of Eastenders he’ll smoke a quick ciggie, before a few hours frowning at the printer.

“Recruitment’s hard” thinks Rex.


Emails

Ed Hunter Ladybird Man Bored Computer

Jason’s received an email from his boss.

Some of the words are in capitals, so as to stand out.

“What an innovative way of communicating” he thinks. “I can’t wait for the afternoon to start, so I can try out some of these suggestions.” he replies.

Jason flicks through his contract, to look for anywhere it stipulates murder-suicides being explicitly forbidden.

“Damn! Yep it’s here…” he remarks, stumbling over point 1.b.


Professionalism

Ed Hunter Ladybird Woman Asleep at Desk

Jen’s asleep at her desk.

She spent 5 hours in a strip club last night, with her boss.

This morning, Jen’s wonders whether she likes the person she’s turning into.

“Maybe I need to be more professional?” she wonders.

“Just until he leaves his wife.”


The Database

Ed Hunter Ladybird Woman Shouting Laptop

Sarah’s on the database.

She’s just changed her password. Sadly, it can’t be the same as the one she used last time.

She’s learnt so much in her first 6 months in recruitment.

Her most valuable lesson has been suppressing all her hopes and dreams.

Sarah knows buying more shoes won’t stop her crying, but she gives it another go, for good measure.


 Fairly obviously, I’m not going to share the entire book with you.

I’ve left the best bits out.

Ed Hunter’s Lies and Prejudice is out to buy now.