Ed Hunter: The Beer Test, A Tail of Caution

If you’re not sitting down right now, do so. What I’m about to say will shock you. To your core.

Recruiters like a drink.

Most recruiters that is. There are a few teetotal. They probably work for themselves. Or a Not-For-Profit having already made their money home brewing hooch, rebranded as Craft Beer, to beleaguered colleagues.

I get it.

And I’m as guilty as the next man. When you’ve worked your arse off, sent a thousand emails, heard a million voicemails, had four drop outs, seven interview cancellations and an aggressive boss breathing down your neck, you need a release.

And when the clock strikes 09:35 on a Monday, nothing settles the anguish like a sneaky double vodka in your OJ.

But look, I’m not having a go, we’re not the worst industry by a mile.

Shout out to anyone in Insurance.

Today, I’d like to share another email chain from my past. It’s from a few years ago and hopefully the parties involved won’t out me.

It involves drinking…


From: Tim Rec2Rec
Date: Thursday 6 June 15:35
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Final Interview

Hi Ed,

Just a confirmation following our chat re the final interview.

They’re really keen but want to introduce you to the team over a beer tonight. As mentioned, this is what people call The Beer Test.

Basically, they might try and ply you with beer to see how you act. Try not to drink anyone under the table and you’ll be fine.

Kind regards,

Tim


From: Hunter, Ed
Date: Thursday 6 June 16:51
To: Tim Rec2Rec
Subject: Re: Final Interview

Hi mate.

More than happy to go for a beer.

You might want to warn them though, I’m not a cheap date. I once drank Oliver Reed under the table before an after party at Pete Doherty’s where I ended up losing a dance off to Hugh Hefner.

Amazing what you can do at 85 with enough cortisol and gentle encouragement from a few bunnies.

What time they want me to meet them?

Ed


From: Tim Rec2Rec
Date: Thursday 6 June 17:10
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: RE: Re: Final Interview

Ed,

Just tried your phone.

This isn’t something you want to prove your mettle in. Just treat it as a casual half and have plans for dinner.

Give me a shout as soon as you can. They’re expecting you at the same pub at 7.

Kind regards,

Tim


From: Tim Rec2Rec
Date: Thursday 6 June 18:17
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: RE: Re: Final Interview

Hi Ed,

No response to the voicemails, just want to make sure you got the last email?

Give me a shout before you head to the interview.

Thanks,

Tim


From: Hunter, Ed
Date: Thursday 6 June 18:23
To: Tim Rec2Rec
Subject: RE: Re: RE: Re: Final Interview

Tim,

Got your 4 voicemails, 2 emails and text message. Was just in the boozer on the pre-lash. Wanted to wet my whistle. Settle any last minute nerves. I’m much better after a few sherbets. I’ve an Irish ancestor on my Mother’s side so.

I’ll let you know how it goes. Don’t worry though, got me drinkin’ hat on.

Ed


From: Tim Rec2Rec
Date: Thursday 6 June 18:25
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Final Interview

Ed,

Please don’t get drunk.

I’ll give you a call an hour in so you can make your excuses for an early exit.

Tim


From: Hunter, Ed
Date: Thursday 6 June 18:27
To: Tim Rec2Rec
Subject: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Final Interview

Wouldn’t worry about that, I’m ramping up for a big one.


From: Hunter, Ed
Date: Thursday 6 June 19:28
To: Tim Rec2Rec
Subject: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Final Interview

Tum,

I;n not syre hw it’s going but they seem to lik me


From: Tim Rec2Rec
Date: Thursday 6 June 19:41
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Final Interview

Ed?


From: Hunter, Ed
Date: Thursday 6 June 19:49
To: Tim Rec2Rec
Subject: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Final Interview

Just joking mate. I’m not 12.

These guys might be though. They’re onto the Jägers and the Accounts guy’s talking about a club. He’s chain smoking Vogues outside, but in that way non-smokers do. You know, holding it weirdly in a clenched fist. It’s a perfect storm of oddity and awkwardness.

Also, has the Director got a bladder problem? He’s taken more leaks than a Welsh kleptomaniac. Must’ve broken the seal…


From: Hunter, Ed
Date: Thursday 6 June 20:57
To: Tim Rec2Rec
Subject: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Final Interview

Quick update for you Tim… have you ever seen Mad Max? Because I can’t work out whether I’m with a recruitment company or an extra in a remake.

I’ve met the Top Biller. That’s how he introduced himself. Still don’t actually know his name. He just asked me how much I billed in my last job, which market I’m “attacking” and what I bench.

I answered the last two but he had to take an urgent call from someone named ‘Mucker’.

In the corner there’s a guy with his shirt off doing press ups. Combining PT sesh and actual sesh, clearly a productive go getter I need to work closely with. Looks like he’s struggling to hit ten, but the tie round his head might spur him on.

Everyone’s really friendly. Especially the Office Manager. She’s, very friendly indeed. Unfortunately, The Director’s just come over to piss on his territory. Not her, that’s metaphorical. When his jaw comes over later, I’ll double check.

The Accounts guy, whose name I’ve learnt to be Ben, lost interest in a club after vomiting on the back seat of the cab supposed to take him there. He looks gutted. And sleepy.

I’m teetering on the edge of sprinting off, but I kind of want to see what happens. I now understand why people slow down driving past motorway accidents.


From: Tim Rec2Rec
Date: Thursday 6 June 21:09
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Final Interview

Ed,

Important to note this is a record week for the business, so they’re probably letting their hair down a bit.

Don’t feel as though you need to stick around if you have plans.

Speak tomorrow?

Tim


From: Hunter, Ed
Date: Thursday 6 June 21:32
To: Tim Rec2Rec
Subject: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Final Interview

Tim,

I think it’s important to note, we’re three beers in. I’m all for debauchery but this is like someone’s spiked the Panda Pops at a year 8 disco. There’s no awkward divide between the girls and boys in this case, but after what the Top Biller just proudly said to make the Office Manager cry (for the second time) I might suggest it.

They might want to readdress their interview process.

I’ll report back in the morning, but better go, the Resourcer’s about to strawpedo a bottle of wine. Apparently it’s his ‘thing’.


From: Hunter, Ed
Date: Friday 7 June 10:15
To: Tim Rec2Rec
Subject: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Final Interview

Right Tim, I made it.

Interesting night. I made a little chart.

Final Interview Graph

 

I would have mapped the factors important in my decision, but it was obvious early on they were irrelevant.

I think my enjoyment peaked when I was forced to speak to the Director’s wife as an alibi he wasn’t out boozing. I was on my way to hospital because of a broken ankle.

Actually quite liked the Office Manager, and have a print of a panda on my white shirt from the tears. Pass on my deets. Certainly more interested in her than the job, which as you’ve guessed I won’t be taking.

That said, I scribbled a few more stats for reference.

Conversations:

8 about money

3 about watches

11 about recruitment

14 about billings

1 about the outside world (this was the Top Biller talking about how I spent my billings)

Incidents:

3 separate cries

1 scuffle

27 high fives

5 sets of push ups (done incorrectly)

1 lost handbag

1 ruined taxi seat

So, to summarise, I’ll probably leave it there. Thanks for your help up to now, and convincing me to go along. It was funny.

I left at about 11:30 just before being enticed to a ‘sports bar’. After a quick check of the fixtures I concluded any money down in that particular establishment might involve punts of a different kind. I’ll hedge my bets and stick an accumulator on later.

All the best,

Ed


From: Tim Rec2Rec
Date: Friday 7 June 12:07
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Final Interview

Hi Ed,

Left you a voicemail, be good to meet for a coffee, let me know when you’re free.


 And that was it. Another placement slipping through the fingers of a hard-working Rec2Rec, through no fault of his own.

The lesson? If you ever go on something called a ‘Beer Test’ turn the tables. Seeing your future employer in their natural habitat’s one of the best benchmarks you’ve got.

Ed