Apparently this is what we’re all going to look like in a few years time…
“According to the report, which was commissioned by office equipment firm Fellowes, more than 90% of office workers in the UK who suffer from health issues because of their jobs are therefore performing more poorly at work.”
Now I didn’t notice who the scientist was behind this study, but I’m assuming they’re on the wind up.
Mainly cause they’ve released a public health warning, where the scare tactic resembles a fair chunk of the workforce. I’ve definitely worked with the person above.
So time to wake up.
We all need to get healthy to combat the sedentary lifestyle of office work. And with a healthy body… comes a healthy mind.
To make sure you perform this year, I’ve devised a few activities you can do around the office to stay fit.
The old favourite. But interestingly, just by standing up more, you could burn an extra 400 calories in a day.
Interestingly, that’s 20 times the calories you burn off sobbing in the toilets.
This works with salad too, and if you coat your fists in Olive Oil works as a makeshift spinner.
Naturally, throwing one stress ball isn’t going to make a difference to those flabby arms of yours. So you’ll need to aim for a prolonged volley attack at pinpoint accuracy.
See an office threat reaching for their coffee… on your marks.
Weightier missiles, whilst dangerous, will increase your ability for sustained phone holding.
One for the Managers and Team Leaders here. It’s just as important to know your team are going to survive the year. More important if you’re not billing any more.
Stand to one side of the treadmill and increase the gradient every time they scoff at the upside down recruitment funnel.
Taking your frustration out on your resourcer’s an old favourite. But you’re also more likely to end up in prison.
So find an inanimate object and absolutely destroy it. As in, nothing left.
Not only will you feel better, you’ll get a darn good workout.
Try to make sure you have enough time for calls.
But if you’re a real pro, candidates won’t realise you’re either sobbing or working out, and you can go about your usual day of winning.
A simple one this.
Simply taking in a few more stair climbs will impact your fitness.
It’ll also be easier to go back and face the music, as it’s downhill.
Remember to actually go back, and not accidentally miss your floor, before driving into the sunset laughing.
The longer it takes you to get there, the longer it takes to get back.
Remember, anywhere’s technically walking distance. It just depends how long you take.
Take a hearty chuckle as you ignore the Red Man knowing you’ll have the benefit of a full lunch hour.
Remember to get to hospital before putting ‘out of office’ on, so as not to raise suspicions.
You only get commission if you hit the bell.
Watch people reclaim their disgusting protein shakers from the kitchen…
A fun activity for after work this one, especially if you’ve embarrassed yourself at Thirsty Thursday again.
Plus, by the time you’ve finished and have all that blood coursing through your veins, you’ll be much more positive and ready to face another day on the phones.
It’s like walking, but you get further, quicker.
Ideally somewhere without phone reception or WiFi.
In need of something for your mental health?
Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered there too.
Global Headhunter & Account Manager at Emerald Technology
Consultant - Principal Consultant - Marketing at EMR
Miami Consultant - Private Banking or Commodities at Redstone Search
Principal Executive Consultant - Data Analytics at LHi GROUP
Tech and Development Recruitment Consultant at Discovered