A person opposed to increased industrialsation or new technology.
A low skilled labourer bound by the feudal system, tied to working on his lord’s estate.
The social system in medieval Europe, in which the nobility held lands, while the peasants lived on their lord’s land and gave homage, labour, and a share of the produce, in exchange for military protection.
By the end of this essay, you’ll learn how an old system of government is not only still in place today, but thrives as an organisational model in recruitment.
You, the peasants, will understand more about your place in the world. And why you’ll never break the glass ceiling of nobility.
The CEO is King. Or Queen.
“Unlike appointed leaders, like Presidents, the King (or Queen) has the right to self pardon and absolute rule over the lower classes.”
Often they rule with an iron fist. Their job is to attain the highest possible standing for their monarchy. 100% self preservation.
This may involve aggressive battles against other agencies in the form of takeovers or Best Place To Work awards. Sometimes a bitchy LinkedIn post will suffice.
Should a fellow monarch steal a member of society from another kingdom, social outrage follows. The inflicted party will shudder at such backhanded tactics, before doing exactly the same, shortly after.
HRH’s position is exclusively sat down, gorging on red meat, wine and ale. Though regular tea and water is delivered by a lucky few from the Peasant class, in order to stave off gout.
Enemies are sometimes invited in order to attain insider information. This maybe on neutral ground at networking events or the high seas of industry. Though pirates are common in such waters.
“Royalty is the only class allowed to wear bright and garish colours, which they’ll celebrate openly.”
CEOs often adorn braggadocious attire in favour of practicality or taste. While insistence on lower classes having a strict, boring and regimented dress code, keeps order.
The more oppressive the ruler, the more uncomfortable the attire,
Full of self love, a CEO will refer to themselves as royalty.
If time served, perhaps even a dynasty.
“This is true despite the fact most ‘kingdoms’ are no more than small villages, with no healthcare and open sewers.”
The Nobility of a recruitment business is the only one allowed counsel with a King or Queen. Often, in an il-fated attempt to climb the slippery career ladder, one will engage in amorous relations.
However, sleeping with a King, does not a Queen make. You may have been honoured with entrance to the royal chambers, but public acknowledgment of such encounters incurs a public flogging, or removal from post.
Nobility takes directions from HRH and passes these to the minions. Hence the trendy new age job title ‘Director’.
“The Nobility provides soldiers, workers and wealth to royalty.”
They oversee the toil of the Knights, who in turn manage the slavery of the lower classes. The importance of the peasant class isn’t underestimated. Yet it’s openly acknowledged should one die on the job, they’re easily replaced and quickly forgotten.
Often, perks like medical or life insurance, whilst cheap, are deemed unnecessary given the cheap cost of replacement.
“Knights pay homage to Nobility. They do this through a number of means…”
Firstly, by donating the best years of their measly lives.
Secondly, the paying of tolls, up the chain. Typically 70% of proceeds. Or more. Uncapped.
Some Knights are given snazzy titles like Non-Billing Managers and stand and watch as work is completed. These characters don’t muddy their hands. But rather manage from a position of safety. Those lucky enough to attain such a position rarely talk from experience, having never worked a day’s graft in their lives.
Those who have spent time in the field… granted Knighthood by grace of the Lord Almighty, hold more sway with the lower classes. Unfortunately, unable to maintain both outputs, these people often become laughing stocks and garner little respect from those with the same political standing.
“Knights offer protection to the oafs or bumpkins beneath them.” But only to a degree.
Should anyone step too far out of line, the yokel in question is thrown under a bus and replaced by a more deserving incumbent.
“A Knight may utilise an expense purse to embellish the lives of those they govern.”
These could be small items, like a replacement candle for their dimly lit work-dungeon. Though matches come at personal expense to the worker. Or more grandiose gestures like a quicker horse to cut down on commuting times.
Workers, whilst not totally feebleminded often fail to realise benefits are actually for the good of the monarch. Not themselves. Though failure to realise the illusion does brighten their trivial existence.
If the commission structure of a Knight seems unfair, the model enforced on the peasant class is truly laughable.
These slow, simple folk are fobbed off with paltry spot sums for ‘jobs well done’. A groat here. £50 there. Not knowing any better, their delight with the situation is palpable.
“The peasant class works the longest hours in a bid to impress those up the chain.”
Despite performing menial tasks, complaints over labour conditions are minimal, for fear of a day in the stocks. Perpetrators are pelted with stress balls, meeting folders or elastic bands.
“Anyone of higher social standing may question a Peasant at any time.”
“What’ve you got on today?” should be met with enthusiasm and gratitude.
Commonly the answer won’t be listened to. But refusal to answer, results in an hour in the rack. Physically stretched further than initially thought possible.
“Anyone in the kingdom may question the practices of those down the chain. Never up.”
Money, whilst made predominantly by the plebiscite, floods to the top. Inflating the purse and ego of the monarch, who invests heavily in themselves.
With enough ale or grog, the Peasant class may find themselves willing to openly question authority. Those who do are flogged when sober, as a warning to onlookers.
Breakaway groups or naysayers are increasingly common in more steadfast regimes. Whilst this route provides a quicker ascension, usurpers wait around every corner looking to grasp insecure thrones.
Every year the monarch opens their purse for a banquet to give thanks for a favourable harvest. All social standings are invited and grog laid on for all. If it’s been an exceptional year, a christmas hog is served. With prizes like the snout, trotters or tail given to Peasants who’ve performed well.
Ignominy is reserved for those not pulling their weight.
“Those who’ve lost partners, children or limbs to the frost, yet remained at work, are toasted.”
Regular jousting tournaments are held to much fanfare. Those with the biggest scalps are heralded on a leaderboard for all to admire.
“Public executions provide much needed levity.”
And open court is held each morning to uncover potential law breakers. If no interviews or deals are put forward a peasant may leave the field of work. Once gone, they’re as good as dead to the rest of the population.
Ne’r talked about. Neither mourned nor missed.
“Court Jesters are often utilised for larger kingdoms, where expenditure will allow.”
In most cases Jesters are unaware of the position they hold and given honorary titles like ‘Office Manager’ or ‘HR’. Jesters may wear strange outfits and provide many laughs through their every day struggles and mishaps.
Morality in mediaeval feudalist systems, just like recruitment agencies, is tough to govern. Therefore scare tactics using mythical beasts and monsters are put in place to gain order.
Whether a company handbook or disciplinary procedure, most follow blindly. Anyone found wanting is smited by an omniscient being who forbids their entrance into elysium. Or, as it’s now known, Ibiza.
“Smaller misdemeanours like absenteeism or ill health may incur lesser punishments such as cancellation of holy crusades or a diminished grog quota.”
The mess of the day’s work is whimsically removed by the secret powers of a Witch, using only a magic broom. Only those brave enough dare engage in gossip, lest they also are declared a Witch and given trial by flogging.
Sound familiars doesn’t it. And yet, the conditions I describe above were common place up to 1500 years ago. Which is a bit scary.
Still, could be worse. You could be an Estate Agent, stuck in the stone age.
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