A little over a week ago, I decided I’d open the door to questions from the public. I say the public, I was really looking for questions from Recruiters. The trouble is, there seems to be a large amount of people that follow me that just aren’t Recruiters.
Why? You’re probably wondering.
I wonder the same thing. It’s amazing people think my tint of thinly veiled humour appeals to the wider masses. And I’m not encouraging any non-Recruiters to tune out. Just that, if I occasionally talk about recruitment, don’t be surprised.
I’ll often try and explain this blog to people who don’t know about recruitment. They lose interest when I say it’s a cartoon wolf that takes the piss out of our industry and the people in it, myself included. Nonetheless, I’m nothing but a crowd pleaser.
So here are the answers to some of the questions you asked me. I’ve tried to answer them as well as I can.
1) As someone joining a new pack whats’s your advice? Go for Alpha, bully the beta etc?
2) In every role I’ve had there’s always been one person who’s terrible, sounds like a robot (but not as efficient) never on the phone, never at Friday evening beers (or the Saturday morning beers), doesn’t get any jobs on but knows what to say to the manager in the boardroom to save their neck. What’s your advice to deal with them? Take them under your wing? Conspire? Find them a train and Kevin Spacey them (push them in front of it)?
Firstly, my advice for the first question. Read this article and it will tell you all you need to know about starting in a new place.
Secondly, how do you mean ‘deal with them’…? I’m not sure someone being a touch lazy requires a death sentence, but then maybe I’m going soft in my old age.
You will in your life be regularly plagued by someone who just can’t be arsed. In recruitment, this tends to be rare. Because they typically won’t last long. You’ll get a flavour for the reputation of this person by asking around at the Friday/Saturday beers they don’t attend.
If they’re in vogue, they’re obviously doing something right. Befriend them. Learn their ways. Combine their guile with your work ethic and everything you see before you will become yours.
If they’re on their way out, find out what roles they have on right now, and start slowly moving in on their patch. Like an overly familiar neighbour making friends with your wife over the fence. Introduce them to your lovely fluffy dog (buy them lunch) and then hit them with your best ‘how come your husband doesn’t care about you?’ line (start canvassing their clients).
Recruitment’s cut throat isn’t it.
What are Ed’s thoughts on the French?
Adrien, I’m assuming from your name, you are in fact French.
I should say firstly, I love the French. I love onions. I love baguettes. I hate tired, generic, unfair stereotypes. This blog on the best pound for pound Recruiter I ever worked with explains in a bit more detail than I can here.
Ed – Lets cut to the chase, we all know recruitment’s a, how shall we put this, gentleman’s member measuring contest.
So, what’s you biggest fee, what watch do you wear, what car do you cruise around in and finally how big is your house?
Warmest regards – A Wolf Fan…
Hi Simon, thanks for getting in touch.
I’ll start with your first query. My gentleman’s member makes even the most cocksure of Recruiters wince at the urinal. I am, as I’m sure you are too, incredibly well endowed.
I have 7 watches I keep in a display case on my desk, so everyone can see them at all times. I drive an original Shelby AC Cobra but have a driver follow me in the Rolls just in case of inclement weather. My house was originally three houses but I’ve knocked them into one.
I have taken the strange choice of not living in Portsmouth like your good self however. I did go for a school trip once with my dyslexic Geography teacher. Saw a lot of destruction but nothing like’s been reported in the media. I guess Vesuvius wiped most of it out.
Keep fighting those stereotypes brother.
Hello, greetings from Chile.
What would you recommend to someone having some motivation issues?
Amazing that this blog reaches Chile. I’ve found the smile on the face of a new starter makes me feel warm and fuzzy. That new job smell really does get me going, like the first crocus of Spring or the comforting warmth on your face of freshly printed copies from the printer as you hide your morning tears from subordinates.
If that doesn’t get you going mate, I’m not sure what will.
Commission probably. Or the thought of spending that commission to get as far away from your boss and colleagues as you possibly can. Dreaming, with what’s left of your now jaded imagination that you’d never met them and live on an island a million miles away from the general public.
Keep fighting the good fight chap.
How far would you go to secure a key client?
Oliver, I’m an upstanding pillar of the community and to be honest am a little annoyed you think I’d sell my morals down the river just to secure a client.
That said, I am currently single.
So, in reality if I happened to start seeing someone who offered me a ‘friends with benefits’ package, I’m only human.
Those benefits would have to be at the very least: PSL status; 4 exclusive jobs a month and one ‘meeting alibi’ per week. Ideally on Wednesday afternoons so I could play golf.
I have recently seen your post on linked in to get involved with some Q&A, naturally I jumped at the chance.
I am what I would call relatively junior within recruitment, having 2 years’ experience in an RPO company. To put it plainly, I want to be the very best *insert Pokémon theme tune sound clip here* at what I do. But here’s my dilemma… How do I achieve this without becoming a total c**k or alienating the people I work with? I only ask this as it seems people at my level aren’t as keen to motivate each other as I thought.
It seems as though you may think all your colleagues are “c**ks”?
The best advice I can give you (if this is the case) is not to make your immediate team aware of your outright disgust for them. Yeah, you might feel sick at the very thought of spending time with them. You may often drift off, mid-conversation with meandering daydreams of re-enacting the American Psycho scene with the chainsaw. But… it could be worse. They could find out your opinions and make your life a living hell.
I’d keep it to yourself if I were you. Don’t email anyone in the public domain asking for help, lest they ‘out’ you.
Be that online, in person, or handwritten notes delivered in person to each of them, individually.
In terms of not becoming the very thing you despise… try taking the higher ground. Be the bigger person.
Or… sabotage their careers and take them to the cleaners. Either one will stand you in good stead.
Hi Ed, I work for a really small company and absolutely despise my boss. He has absolutely no morals and bullies everyone in the business. Yesterday in the carpark I honestly thought about doing us all a favour as he was getting out his car. My foot hovered over the accelerator, shaking, trembling. My heart raced as I imagined the sheer joy of being at his funeral, wearing strictly forbidden ‘dress down’ attire, gently comforting his widow.
I didn’t do it obviously. I’m far too attractive for prison. A face like mine would mean I’ be someone’s ‘Resourcer’ within an hour. But what should I do? I don’t want to move towns and the options round here are slim.
Thanks (if you could keep this anonymous for obvious reasons that would be great)
Sounds tricky. Firstly, I’d never betray a reader and haven’t published your last name. Your secret hatred is safe with me.
It sounds like you’re in a real pickle. You could go for the kill, but it doesn’t sound like you’re ready for prison. If you think your overly assertive boss is a d*ck I don’t think you’d appreciate the rigid management style of ‘Big Phil’ on E Wing. My advice would be to start an office romance. It doesn’t have to be the one. They don’t even have to be attractive. But flittering stolen glances of lust across an office will really make the time fly and spice up your otherwise tireless existence.
‘Amorous relations’ on the desk of a rival while ‘pulling a latey’ really does cheer you up the next day watching them eat their lunch off it. Apparently.
Keep your chin up (that’s metaphorical advice, nothing sexual).
What’s your star sign?
Glad you asked. I’m an avid believer in star signs. I’m also deeply religious, hugely superstitious and up until recently was locked into a suicide pact with my former cult leader, Bork. The trouble is, I realised by following my God I was missing out on the teachings of about 3,000 others. And above all else, I’m a true believer in hedging my bets.
So, I’ve put the poisoned Kool Aid on ice for the time being until I pass my level 10 Scientology course. Only when I’ve unlocked the secrets to the Universe will I allow myself the sweet release of death.
Unfortunately, they’ve just put the annual registration costs up (again) at my local Scientology centre. So I’m stuck in recruitment until I earn enough commission to pay for it all.
Funny old world eh? Then again that blindly optimistic, glass-half-full attitude is what you’d expect from a very obvious Capricorn.
An itching question. When you have cubs/babies, are they human bodied with a wolf head or wolf headed with a human body?
Rather confusing question as those options are both the same.
But… I do get asked about my offspring quite a lot. Normally questions like: ‘Why don’t you ever come and see us Dad?’ Or ‘Where has Ed Jnr picked up this blatant disregard for school policy and anti-establishment fervour?’
The whole wolf thing’s actually a recessive gene that’s been ‘hounding’ my family for generations. My Dad looks like me, but has the arms of a wolf too, but with human hands. His Dad has full wolf paws. His career options, as you can imagine were limited but he did forge a fairly successful career as a hand model for those paintings of dogs playing pool.
Unfortunately worked dried up when people stopped taking acid after the 60’s and demand dipped.
Anyway, to answer your question, they normally retain the ears or often just the snout. Either way, they’re normally handsome f**kers.
Stay off the drugs brother. You’re doing swimmingly.
How long do you recommend leaving it until learning the new Recruiters’ names? Is 3 months a bit harsh?
Otherwise its like getting attached to puppies when you work at a dog shelter. They may be nice but you know they’ll not be around long.
I’d suggest never learning them. Much like the puppies you mention in your email you don’t want to show weakness, lest they become overly friendly and start asking you stuff. You’ll get lumbered with things like ‘conversation’ then. Don’t lower yourself to it. These are Recruiters we’re talking about. Not people.
They’re probably thinking of a really good put down for you as we speak. Or coming up with a really nasty new nickname having a go at your weight or receding hairline.
B*stards, the lot of ’em! Eurrrrgh… no wonder people hate Recruiters. Am I right or am I right, mate?
That’s it for now. It’s been lovely connecting with you all personally. Maybe we could do this in person one day, over a pint?
Sorry for all those who emailed questions actually about recruitment. It’s not really my bag.
Love Ed x
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