Writing this book took a bit of effort, and like all seminal art work, some of the ideas didn’t make the final cut.
Naturally there were a few pages left over.
To wet your whistle, I’ve added some of them below.
Don’t worry, they’re not a worse standard. I was just pushed for space.
But if you’d rather think this purchase through, let me convince you…
To stop this, Tristan’s changed his job title to Headhunter.
To complete the image, he’s printed dollars with his face on and started drinking apple juice out of a whiskey glass.
Later, Tristan will swerve to hit a rabbit driving home.
Much later, he’ll cry into his pillow in a fit of regret.
They’re thinking of a Diversity and Inclusion campaign to wow new recruits.
“What about hiring a female recruiter?” asks Ben.
“We tried that and she left” points out Tom.
It’s back to the drawing board for the boys, but they’ll get there.
Gryff’s dropped in on his parents for dinner.
“Are you staying the night love?” asks his mum.
“Recruitment never sleeps” he replies winking at his Dad.
“Sue’s daughter stays the night at hers , and she’s a Pilot.”
Gryff kicks the cat and heads back to the office.
He’s known as a ‘Super User’ in the office, because he sat next to the Tech Support guy for 3 days, when he started.
Dusty’s inexplicably deleted half the database by accident.
To save his embarrassment he’s torching the office and starting a new life in New Zealand.
She’s spent the afternoon looking at the ‘People Also Viewed’ section on her LinkedIn profile.
So far she’s seen three Erotic Dancers, a Director of Happiness and a Chief Biscuit Eater.
Kirsty wonders how many cats she can adopt at once, without a background check.
To keep him on his toes, 70% of candidates send their CVs in PDF.
All Brett has to do is change the PDFs to Word and send them on, after removing their contact details.
To cheer himself up, Brett allows himself one silent scream in his hands, after every CV sent.
Without warning her gaze is caught by a squirrel outside.
“I’ve never tried squirrel” she thinks “Never travelled. Never loved. I’ve barely lived.”
As she realises the voicemail’s been recording for 3 minutes she hangs up and looks at the call times on the projector.
She’s top! Which is fitting as it’s her 33rd birthday.
After years of trying to be corporate, she’s only just realised she hates every single item of clothing she owns.
After gruffing up her voice for her manager, she’ll settle down with a bottle of Malbec just in time for Loose Women.
Curtis knows he’s seen the name before, but can’t quite place it.
After responding to all the negative comments, Curtis shoots a hole in his laptop and throws it out the window.
“Respond to that” he smirks.
“This is why we can’t hire anyone!” complains his business partner.
Gary loves the startup life. Even the grotty tasks.
“There’s no I in team” he thinks, smiling.
After noticing he’s CC’d into an email about stationery by the boss, Gary wonders whether he’d get more respect cleaning tanks, back at the Aquarium.
If not, don’t worry there’ll be more free humour on the way soon.
Until next time.
Data & Analytics Recruitment Consultant at Discovered
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