Ed Hunter: Overheard In a Recruitment Office

I’m a firm believer in the approach of listening more than you talk. It’s probably why I’ve managed to stay in this game for as long as I have.

Now, when I’m in a client meeting, a ‘chat’ with my boss or simply engaging with a candidate in any way, listening will make me money. It will directly give me the capability to answer someone’s woes and therefore be more successful. I try to keep my mouth shut as much as possible, because… what do I know right?

When I’m in work, surrounded by lots of Recruiters not many of these people will know my secret identity. Most of them will know me by my real name. Which is… well it’s just a normal name really.

Anyway, what I’ve learnt in these situations is, listening will still create value, but in a different way. A lot of the time it’s just so I can chuckle to myself on the walk home.

Sometimes however, the things I hear are good enough to write down.

Here are (some of) those things…


Recruiter:

“I’m willing to put a grand on me being top by Christmas, I’m that confident.”

Other Recruiter:

“OK, I’ll match that, actually no I forgot I’m handing in my notice tomorrow.”


Boss:

“Where’s Phil this morning?”

Recruiter:

“Oh he said he’s going to be late in, he’s got a meeting with a rec 2 rec first thing.”

Boss:

“I’m not sure you were supposed to tell me that”


Boss: 

“Where’s Nathan?”

Reply:

“He’s down here, asleep under the table using his shoes for a pillow.”


Manager:

“Guys can we step it up it’s like a morgue in here?!”

Recruiter:

“I’ve placed more people in morgues than I have here to be fair”

Different Recruiter:

“Mate, you’re 19 year’s old and 5 foot 2, who exactly have you put in the morgue?”


Manager:

“Rick I saw you were in on Saturday morning mate, top stuff that. Everybody could learn something from Rick.”

Rick:

“Yeah if you want to know how to make a double bed out of suit jackets after missing the last train, email me.”


Manager:

“What did you think was going to happen by making up a fake deal?”

Recruiter:

“I thought I wouldn’t be fired.”

Manager:

“Well this is going to have an ironic ending for you pal.”


Recruiter (on email): 

“Does anyone know that number that gets caught on a loop so I can get my call times up?”

Manager:

“I’m assuming you didn’t mean to send this to all, but the only number you’re getting today is a P45.”


Recruiter:

“Next year I’m going to absolutely smash it”

Manager:

“You’re aware it’s March aren’t you mate?”


Recruiter on the phone to a candidate:

“Yeah OK mate, well take the counter offer then, but when you realise you’ve p*ssed your career up the wall in six months don’t bother calling me.”

*silence*

“OK so I’ll tell them you’ll be there Monday?”


Every recruiter finishing a call in the only way a Recruiter can ever finish a call:

“Sweet, so get that CV through to me, and we’ll err, take it from there… OK. Thanks. Bye.”


The top biller to a Resourcer:

“Look if you don’t stop messing around I’m going to start telling the boss exactly what you do here. Or rather what you don’t do. Get on the phone for ****’s sake.”


Resourcer to top biller:

“Look, lay off, I don’t take banter too well.”

Reply:

“Why have you worn a shirt to work made by HM Prison then?”


Top biller to a Resourcer:

“I can’t say this any other way that will help you understand. Get. On. The. Phone. If. You. Don’t Want. To. Be. Fired. Thanks.”


Recruiter to whole office on email:

“The next person to microwave fish in this office is getting taken out the back to be put down.”

Boss:

“That was me, let me know when you’re ready to go.”


Resourcer to Manager:

“So if I do a deal worth £5k I can finally pay my dad back.”

Manager:

“How much do you owe your Dad?”

Resourcer:

“Urrm, isn’t that obvious… £5k?!”

Manager:

“You might want to read your commission scheme again.”


Manager to Recruiter:

“If I make more calls than you this afternoon I’m going to fire you!”

Reply:

“I actually need to talk to you if you have five minutes?”

Manager:

“Ohhh for f… you’re not handing in your notice are you?”

Reply:

“Yeah, I am, I didn’t actually want to discuss it here but you’re doing my head in.”


Manager to Recruiter:

“Why are you so late coming back to the office?”

Reply:

“Sorry, was in the park sunbathing and fell asleep haha what am I like?!.”

Reply:

“Boardroom!”


*Recruiter leaves at 6:30 the dot* Manager:

“Got somewhere to be?”

Reply:

“Yeah, home mate.”


Manager:

“You can have your chair back when you’ve got some good news.”

Recruiter (sitting down):

“There’s another royal baby on the way apparently.”


Candidate:

“I’m looking for a Java contract role in Londonderry.”

Recruiter’s reply (crossing fingers and wincing):

“That’s why I’m calling, I’ve got a Javascript role in London, it is perm though?”


Recruiter:

“My USP? It’s ****ing me mate… ha yeah… hello?”


Recruiter:

“I’ve absolutely had it here, I’m leaving.”

Reply: 

“You’ve said that quite literally every month for the last five years”

Recruiter:

“I’m serious this time, I’m starting up on my own.”

Reply:

“Mate there’s a client on the line for you, they want to make an offer to your candidate”

Recruiter: 

“Oh My God, Oh My God, AMAZING put him through!”


Boss:

“Look you’ve got to be honest, there’s never any point in lying”

Reply:

“Does your wife know you smoke yet?”

Boss:

“No, and I’ve kept that up for ten years so don’t let it slip at my BBQ on Saturday or I’ll be dead and you’ll be fired.”


Please bear in mind, these are only the publishable quotes. For the non-publishable ones, catch me on twitter.

Keep fighting the good fight.

Ed x