For as long as I’ve been able to read, I’ve seen articles online about how much Recruiters can learn from other things in the world…
I’ll be honest. I’ve had enough.
Recruiters need a break. Yes it would be good to learn things every now and then. But there are examples in each of those points above that make them TERRIBLE lessons for any industry.
Eg. (in order)… throwing faeces; heroin; failure; ‘one great year in a lot of sh*t ones‘ and ‘becoming the worst person you can be‘.
So… I’m turning the tables. Here’s everything the animal kingdom can learn from Recruiters.
There’s new evidence to suggest male and female brains are no different. Which basically rips up every bit of evidence prior to that. But you know who’s great at multi-tasking, irrelevant of gender? Recruiters. The original plate spinners.
You know who aren’t great multi-taskers? Slugs!
How often do you see a slug doing something other than being sluggish? Pathetic aren’t they.
If slugs could multi-task they’d be able to get enough commission together to buy a house like their nomadic pals Snails. They’ve been paying attention. Well done Snails.
I know this will shock most people reading this, but Recruiters don’t have a good reputation. Do they care? No… most of them don’t. Some do. I do see people starting LinkedIn updates with “I’m sick of the Recruiter bashing…”
For the most part though, if you’re a Recruiter, people won’t deal with you if they hate you. Therefore, why bother about the general populations opinion? It could be worse. You could be in HR.
One animal that could learn a thing or two about this stance? Meerkats. Always popping their head up to eavesdrop. Poking their noses into other peoples opinions. Trying to sell me insurance. Make me go to the cinema. People hate you meerkats. Get over it. And lose the ridiculous Russian accent.
Only a Recruiter will know the heartbreaking anguish of wanting to question a candidate’s relative’s death, that you’re 99.9% sure is absolute drivel but, for the sake of your career you (obviously) can’t.
It takes a certain amount of tenderness to be sincere to liars. You know they’re lying. They know, you know, they’re lying. But that’s where it stays. Because you NEED this deal. This is the new conservatory on the line.
You know who’s not delicate? A dog. There’s nothing delicate about a dog. They also know when you’re lying about having thrown a ball, and will just sit there looking at you like you’re the idiot – I’m not the one chasing my own tail pal. Although, I’m a Recruiter, so if it’s a weekday I probably am.
To be successful as a Recruiter you need focus. You have to ignore the fact your boss is out of touch with how to do your job. You have to ignore the constant criticism from every corner of the web. Ignore the fact your new Researcher’s hotter than the sun. Ignore that ringing black box on your desk. Ignore candidates. Ignore clients. Just ignore everyone. Focus on one task and move on.
Unlike Moths. Fluttering around your face, gettin’ all up in your business. Moths apparently like the light. Any light. Apart from the big one that’s there IN THE DAY. Fat, stuttering bundles of dust with their overly bulbous bodies. Learn to focus ffs.
If moths only listened to us Recruiters they’d know they’re canvassing at the wrong time of day. Stupid moths.
Communication is key to success in recruitment. Being able to speak a language (any language) is a basic skill.
Which animal can learn something from this? Every one of them. God they’re stupid aren’t they. They can’t even talk. I’ll cut Dolphins a break ’cause they’re on the verge. But even when they learn, d’you think they’re going to be able to pick up a phone with those stupid flappy fin things?
Sh*tty Dolphins. They’d make a killing in the PPC niche. If only they asked.
Knowing which clients a candidate’s relevant for will make you money. Pointing out a client’s overwhelming body odour to a candidate before an interview could be important… but it’s not relevant. Everyone in the office agreeing your boss is a buffoon is important. But it’s not relevant to charting your growth up the sales board.
If we can pass on this relevance to anyone out there, it’s the special kind of animal that makes blogs entitled “What recruitment can learn from…”
I do not think about selling a retainer after watching a film about crackheads. Nor do I think about recruitment after watching a fly poorly manufacture its route out of a clearly opened window.
It just annoys me. And is as relevant to recruitment as this blog.
Senior Consultant/Mentor (f/m/d) at Austin Fraser & Austin Vita
Miami Consultant - Private Banking or Commodities at Redstone Search
EMEA Technology Recruiter (100% remote) at Ethos BeathChapman
Senior Recruitment Consultant - Azure Cloud at Cognitive Group
Principal Consultant - Finance at Ernest Hunter Green
Consultant/Senior Consultant - UX , UI & Digital at DNA Recruit