Ed Hunter: If Recruiters’ LinkedIn Job Titles Came True

With new method comes new madness.

There’s no doubt the recruitment industry is maturing and branching off in different directions.

It’s more important than ever to make sure you stand out from the recruitment crowd and changing your job title to something snappy on LinkedIn is an obvious way to stand out…

But there’s a fine line…

Anyone who’s a Recruitment Consultant who displays a job title that doesn’t say “Recruitment Consultant” needs to have a serious look in the mirror. Are you ACTUALLY what you’re pretending to be?

Given how much time I spend changing candidate’s job titles to suit their position you’d think recruiters would know better. Alas, they don’t. I’ll refrain from naming and shaming anyone. I’ll leave that to you…

I’ll just supply examples of what people imagine when they read the tripe that some recruiters deem acceptable for a job title.

Jedi

Yoda Phone

This is the sort of person who knows all of the words to every Nickleback song. Has every Star Wars figurine in original packaging and probably goes to Comic-con. They definitely weald an imaginary Lightsaber when they’re the phone. You’re not a Jedi mate. If a client still works with you after calling yourself a Jedi, they must have incredibly low standards. Probably also writes ‘Jedi’ on the religion box for the government census.

Talent Sorcerer/Wizard

Wizard Office

This is what I imagine when I see wizard/sorcerer. This is Keith. He’s 29. He just looks like he’s 53. His best friend in the world is his cat. His second best friend is his neighbour’s cat. Regularly adds candidates to his ‘Curse Book’ when they don’t accept. Rumours he lives in the stationary cupboard so far unsubstantiated. Calls holiday ‘Wizard’s Leave’ on his out of office. Management not yet caught on.

HeadhunterArmy suit office

Are you this guy? Are you actually a Headhunter? Sneaking through the reed(s) looking for Monster(s) to shoot (emails to). No, you’re not. Because you’re a Recruiter. For everyone in the industry, please STOP calling yourself a Headhunter. Unless you actually collect the heads of the candidates you recruit. In which case, turn yourself in to the authorities. By the way… even those in Exec Search who are most like Headhunters, don’t actually call themselves Headhunters. 

You know when that really attractive girl asks what you do for a living in the pub on a Saturday? Everyone, including her, the barman and the fruit machine know you’re a Recruiter. What she also now knows is that you’re too ashamed to actually tell anyone you’re a Recruiter. Embrace it my friend. Embrace it!

Talent Ninja

Office Ninja

The talent ninja can place you without you even knowing. Masters of evasion a.k.a never there when a candidate calls in. Never contactable… especially after a candidate resigns within the 3 month probation. The Talent Ninja is a master of every martial art… And you? Well… you haven’t even got a Lean Six Sigma Green Belt.

Director of First Impressions

Spike Notting Hill

It’s funny how job titles come into existence. Essentially, someone, a renegade, a rogue agent with a cross to bear sticks two fingers up to the man, and says… “This is what I’m now calling my job.” No one questions it, and it becomes gospel. From what I can tell, a “Director of First Impressions” is similar to a receptionist. Consigned to the same ‘non-recruitment’ reference file as “Chief Happiness Officer” and  “Idea Salesman’.

Rock Star

Bono Bush

The man on the right of this photo calls himself a Rock Star. The man on the left probably doesn’t know what a Recruiter does. But would call himself a Recruitment Rock Star, if he worked in recruitment. Both of these men are responsible for some of the worst atrocities to befall mankind. Calling yourself a Recruitment Rock Star is worse than anything they’ve done between them (possibly). 


Just to continue the madness and offer some wacky alternatives to these ‘shit shows’ of job titles, how about these…

Contract Consigliere

Godfather

Positives of using this name: No one is likely to bring you up on it, lest they end up sleeping with the fishes. You can legitimately offer most of your candidates “offers they can’t refuse.” Incredibly good chance of getting public sector jobs before the legit PSL. You can work from the Sicily office without cutting into your annual leave. “Molto bene”

Job Whisperer

Horse Whisperer

The same people who think the above photo is an appropriate way to whisper to a horse are the same people who think being a ‘Job Whisperer’ is a good job title. I don’t even know what value a Job Whisperer would offer. What secrets can you tell a job? The same applies to a horses.

Deal Doctor

Dr Evil 

Oh how I wish there was a deal doctor, someone who could come in and turn around your counter offered candidate with just one call… He could get a client to find a spot in their diary for an interview… They could even calm down an internal recruiter after they discover you’ve filled 2 roles behind their back.

“50 BD calls a day keeps the deal doctor away”

Hire Boy

Choir BoyPositives of using this job title: You can still use the same outfit you had when you were a Choir Boy. That’s actually the only positive I can think of.

Together, if we can show these people where they’re going wrong, we might be able to help them. Don’t be a Bono. Just be a Recruiter. People like Recruiters more than Bono!

Yours faithfully,

Ed, a Recruiter.