I’ve seen more recruitment businesses than you’ve had hot dinners. I’m familiar with all the different types and can say, just by looking at you, which kind of agency you work for.
You see, there’s rules to this stuff.
If you’ve got a slick back lid and loafers, I guarantee you work for a boss who looks the same.
If you’re ‘just the nicest person like possibly ever’, I bet you’ve recently moved internal.
If you look like you’ve been punched in the face everyday for 47 years, you probably work somewhere described as ‘work hard, play hard’.
There are more rules when you come to naming a recruitment business. And given the astronomical amount of recruitment companies started every year, if this article’s not useful for you now, bookmark it for January.
That way, when you’ve had enough after the first week back, you’ve already started your research.
You don’t need a foreign office to use the word global in your name. Frankly, you don’t even need a foreign employee, which is lucky with Brexit round the corner.
That said, if you want to look authentic, add a random Switzerland Address on your website. And put a +41 number there too. You can either pay for the number, or just choose one at random and pretend it’s ‘down this week’.
Time was, to have the ‘Search’ suffix in your company name, you’d have to be in Search.
These days the rules of what constitutes Search are a little misty.
Basically, if you’ve ever sold a retainer, even if you handed the money back, you’re now in Search.
For some reason, an incredibly large number of people haven’t realised stating ‘Ltd’ isn’t really necessary and INSIST on including it in their name.
If you work for a company that does this, it’s probably describing the Founder’s mental ability.
Two people’s names to consider? No problem.
It’s often solved by using the surnames of the two founders.
The trouble there however, is if you’re middle class, or grew up a bastard out of wedlock, like most recruiters, the double-barrelled thing just doesn’t work when there’s two.
Janson-Smith Morcambe-Campbell for example.
Where middle classes or bastards reside, pick the least shit sounding name and whack Partners on the back.
This is actually quite a fun game. If you can steal the phone book propping up a wobbly desk, open it and flick through the pages.
The rules are, the first word needs to be two syllables, the last word, one.
Then just whack two together at random and hey presto!
See, how easy is it?
Without a slogan or tagline, no one will know what you do.
You’ll be laughed at in meetings and your children will be bullied in school playgrounds by the kids of parents who actually put some thought into their LinkedIn presence.
“My Mum says your Mum’s recruitment business is well sh*t and doesn’t even have a tagline”
So here are some you can use…
Think your other suppliers were persistent? You could f*ck off to Tibet. We’ll have men, nutters from Parkhurst, dressed in yeti suits, up Everest, with meat cleavers, ready to chop your tarty f*cking legs off. Unless, of course, you’re timely with feedback.
OMG, it’s just so nice here. Like honestly. I mean, we’re all one big family tbh. Janet’s bonkers, you’ll meet her. Ooh steer clear if she’s had a gin and tonic lol Nah she’s fine really. Anyway, what star sign are you? No wait, let me guess, Libra?
Whether you’re a candidate, a colleague, a client or a competitor… one of us is going to try and shag you.
We’re really struggling for cash so we’ve strapped back investment in tech. There’s one LinkedIn Recruiter licence to go round 80 people and the CRM was installed shortly after the second world war.
We’re actually Headhunters, not recruiters. We also look down our noses at anyone who’s not as consultative as us. Which is every business ever founded. We didn’t bother to consult anyone on the tagline however.
The average tenure in the business is 12 months. So every time you speak to us, it’s likely a different consultant to last time.
A fresh-faced recruiter, pissing themselves with excitement, longing to impress you, calling from a brand you know.
It’s exactly like you know it.
The MD’s a total dickhead and didn’t want any more strutting around.
One of us read a book once.
Didn’t finish it, it was a bit heavy.
Some companies change logo a lot. Others haven’t since day dot.
The key thing to remember is, and this is important… virtually no one in the world gives a shit.
You could squash an apricot in the top right of your correspondence, as long as you don’t f*ck up someone’s career or business, you’re probably fine.
There you have it.
You’re now 100% fully equipped to start your own recruitment agency. Which, statistically speaking, half of you will.
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