When I was a young pup, I went and stayed on a farm. It was my mum’s idea. Having once seen a horse in a field, she had her own guidelines for how a lifelong farm owner should be managing her livestock.
She was given the important job of shovelling shit into a wheelbarrow and piling it on the huge manure pile.
It was about midday she realised…
Looking down in horror, she noticed… Her wedding ring was gone.
She checked the stable first. No sign. Which meant one thing. Her dearest possession in the world was probably half way into a 20ft pile of horse shit.
Driven by a perfect storm of panic and hysteria, she plunged in shoulder deep.
After 4 hours, stinking of manure, tired, sweaty and thoroughly ashamed, she collapsed on the floor in tears wondering how to tell my Dad.
She could already see him through the kitchen window, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Look, I’ve got something to tell you and I don’t want you to kick off” she whimpered, bracing for impact.
“OK, let’s promise, for this conversation neither of us can retaliate. Just listen?” he calmly mediated.
“Thanks love. Look, I’m really sorry, but I’ve lost my wedding ring. It’s in that massive pile of horse shit and I’ve been looking for hours. It”s gone” now sobbing, hiding her face in dismay. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh right. Funny story love. I saw it on the side about 5 hours ago. Didn’t think you’d want it, having so much fun in all that horse shit, so I left you to it.”
After my Dad’s black eye died down, we all had a good laugh.
But that, Ladies and Gentlemen is my analogy for job ads on social media.
You sift through shit for hours, searching for that one thing.
You might find it.
You might not.
Either way, at the end you’re emotionally broken, with fragments of excrement splattered over your eye sockets.
It makes far more sense to ‘Go Guerrilla’ with your job ads. Hit the target market where they’re going to see it.
This is how…
I’m not saying those who work in IT Support are boring. But putting a huge ad on the side of a grey building in a dreary neighbourhood might just get their attention.
In this ad, not only are you giving details of the role. It’s enticing because anyone with a finger can do it.
In fact, most times, you don’t even have to do the fingering yourself.
Just tell someone else to do it down the phone. STRICTLY no heavy breathers. It’s weird enough as it is.
If you get the tube in London, you have anger issues.
And there’s no better vocation for an overly aggressive sadist than Baggage Handling.
Also, you can continue to get the tube whilst working in your new dream job.
Give your job ads some punch. Suitcases don’t punch back.
You think potential Teachers spend all day on LinkedIn or Jobsite hoping to find the job of their dreams?
They drive to work on the same stretch of A road. Every. Single. Day.
They listen to the hottest, youngest, freshest piece of shit en vogue on the breakfast show, and long for a new life.
So offer it to them.
Also, if they can read the ad. They can read a textbook. So it self qualifies applicants. The sort of thinking that’s made sure I never ended up a Teacher.
OK, I know what you’re going to say…
“No Recruiter specialises in staffing Meth Labs.”
That’s only because you can’t get the ads past the overly touchy sensors on LinkedIn.
But think about the contract margins available. By advertising in pastry cookery books, you target stay at home parents who wouldn’t mind a bit of spare cash.
And do you know anyone who doesn’t “work well on their own, but also in a team?” Me neither.
If your niche is Human Resources, you should be at every march you can get to.
Pacifism march? You bet ya.
Right to bear arms? Get yourself down there.
A march to get HR Managers on the protected species list? Don’t miss it.
These places are also good if you recruit sign makers. Obviously.
This sign’s in one of the most remote places on earth.
You only see this sign if you absolutely hate other people. And want to get as far away from everyone as possible. Potentially those who’ve done a stint in IT Support.
And maybe why a lot of them become Developers.
The more socially awkward, the better the Developer. That’s just fact.
Ever met anyone who grew up longing to work in Funeral Services? Obviously not.
In fact, I’d venture a guess anyone who enjoys working with dead bodies hates people more than Developers.
But you know who else is sick of the general public? Ex Professional Footballers.
And the transition from letting down a nation, to letting down a coffin is absolutely seamless.
I can’t think of one solitary reason anyone would buy a parrot.
“Ohhhh they talk and you can teach them cute phrases.”
They repeat noises. They don’t possess the power of reasoning or speech.
That said, they may still be more intelligent than the majority of parrot owners. And Call Centre Staff.
So, advertise where they hang out. Pet shops.
Hand written ads on the side of cages suffice. Get your kid to write it. It’ll look authentic.
Taking a battering online’s fairly standard for a recruiter. Therefore catching them offline’s a pretty nifty idea.
Only, if you recruit recruiters, your reputation’s probably worse than a regular one.
But mildly better than anyone who works for an Umbrella Company, an Estate Agency or a Stationery Supply Company.
And look, I’ve taken the piss out of a lot of other jobs in this article, it’s only fair I point the target at us too.
Stay safe out there recruiters.
Until next week.
Talent Acquisition Specialist at Panda International
Consultant / Financial Services at Oakleaf Partnership
Managing Consultant - Technology at Harrington Starr
Senior Consultant - Sales & Marketing at Michael Page Dubai
Head of Contract & Interim - Home Based at DNA Recruit