Ed Hunter: Even the Devil Offers Free Heating

There are few things more tiresome in the whole of human existence, than someone who doesn’t pay their way. And I’m not talking about the weekend bar tab here. I’m talking about businesses.

Those who take it upon themselves to decide your work isn’t worthy of reward.

In spite of having terms agreed in advance.

In spite of success on your part.

In spite of common courtesy and commercial sense.

But these people exist.

They’re everywhere in fact.

I’d wager you find more of these people in recruitment than a lot of other industries. And this won’t surprise you but… I came across one quite recently.

From: Danny
Date: Tuesday 4 Sep 09:59
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: Interview: Lauren

Ed,

Just want to say how pleased we are with Lauren. She’s been a great hire for the business.

Thanks for your effort im finding her!!

Danny


 

From: Ed Hunter
Date: Wednesday 23 Jan 09:31
To: Accounts; Cheryl; Danny
Subject: Overdue Invoice

Dear all,

I’ve tried to get in touch countless times recently to discuss the attached invoice. It was due for payment over 6 months ago and despite continued requests we’ve still not received payment.

As you know, we’re not a huge business and every invoice counts.

I know you were delighted with my work in placing Lauren _____ and would really appreciate this being rectified urgently.

Thank you.

Ed

From: Danny
Date: Wednesday 23 Jan 09:36
To: Accounts; Cheryl; Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: Overdue Invoice

Ed,

We had a lot of hope for Lauren initially, she interviewed very well but then struggled towards the end of her probation.

I’ve held off on payment in case she decided to leave. That actually happened last week, so it’s probably best we leave this there mate.

Thanks,

Dan

From: Ed Hunter
Date: Wednesday 23 Jan 09:49
To: Accounts; Cheryl; Danny
Subject: RE: Re: Overdue Invoice

Hi Dan,

Thanks for getting back to me. I’d say it’s best if we don’t leave it there tbh though ‘mate’.

I’m afraid the invoice is still very much due. I know Lauren wasn’t with you for long, but my job’s based on you hiring candidates.

I tried to check in with you numerous times since she started but you repeatedly ignored my calls.

If you’re available on the phone today, I’m happy to give you a call but the invoice needs to be paid.

‘Thanks’

Ed

From: Danny
Date: Wednesday 23 Jan 11:28
To: Accounts; Cheryl; Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: RE: Re: Overdue Invoice

Ed,

The reason I pay recruiters is to help grow my team. If you think I’m paying this invoice you’re very much mistaken. You recruiters never fail to surprise me. Chasing an invoice for someone who already left?!

Consider this the final word on the issue, and no we won’t speak about it on the phone, so DON’T CALL.

Dan

From: Ed Hunter
Date: Wednesday 23 Jan 15:25
To: Danny; Accounts; Cheryl
Subject: RE: Re: RE: Re: Overdue Invoice

Danny,

Whilst I’d love to consider this as ‘final’ and never speak to you again, I’m afraid that’s not quite cricket me ol’ mucka.

You see, when I spoke to Lauren last week and she mentioned her reasons for leaving, not only were they out of my control, but 100% of your own making.

You promised her things in interview that have never existed. Apparently ‘central heating’ being one of them.

You also promised she’d have ‘complete autonomy’, yet she’s been micro-managed to the point of her having her toilet visits monitored…

I’m a fairly capable recruiter Dan. But one thing I can’t do is make someone who’s been massively oversold stay put, to the detriment of their health and happiness.

I’m not the messiah, mate.

Expect a legal letter.

Ed.

From: Danny
Date: Thursday 24 Jan 08:22
To: Accounts; Cheryl; Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Overdue Invoice

You can send all the legal letters you want you b*llend I’m not paying for something that hasn’t worked!!!

You not Jesus?! You talk like you are!!

Also that’s complete sh*t about her toilet breaks. We established in a company-wide meeting that 20 minute toilet breaks are completely ridiculous and tantamount to theft.

Shove your legal letter up your arse.

From: Ed Hunter
Date: Thursday 24 Jan 09:37
To: Danny; Accounts; Cheryl
Subject: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Overdue Invoice

Haha brilliant.

I’ll clear my diary to speak with everyone who’s looking to leave, as a result of the ‘long shit ban’.

Is that why you refuse to put the heating on too? Theft of warmth? I heard there’s padlock on the thermostat?

Even the Devil offers free heating Danny boy.

You know what the weird thing is? I’ve normally got a good radar for bullsh*t. I thought I’d been in this game long enough to spot a shyster from 100 paces.

Somehow you slipped past third slip. Everyday’s a school day huh?!

From: Danny
Date: Thursday 24 Jan 10:48
To: Accounts; Cheryl; Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Overdue Invoice

Can only assume as your a recruiter you never went to school, so you’re welcome.

We’ve got a ban on shit people if thats what you mean?! Probably why Lauren shit herself and left!!! HAHA!

Here’s a promise though ED, if you headhunt anyone from this business or I even hear of you messaging them you’ll be meeting me in person!!!

From: Ed Hunter
Date: Thursday 24 Jan 11:01
To: Danny; Accounts; Cheryl, All@___________.com
Subject: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Overdue Invoice

This has to be one of the most incriminating email chains I’ve ever been involved with. I’d like to thank you for the reception I’m gonna get once I publish it.

In fact, the only reason I’m going to chase this fee now is so I can live out a life long dream and read this out in court.

Let the record show the defendant’s a tw*t your honour… Just in case

Our address is on my website petal, also I’ve included your team in this for sh*ts n gigs.

If any of you guys fall foul of Kim Jung Dan and his bizarre faecal restrictions, flick me a message.

Love,

Ed Hunter.


It was some time before I heard back from lovely Dan.

He’d obviously spent a few weeks thinking about our exchange, in long hot baths with incense and aroma therapy oils. 3 weeks to the day later I received this piece of poetry, taking the time to apologise and wrong his many rights.

It’s nice when someone takes accountability for their actions. It’s actually incredibly rare so it’s lovely when it happens…

From: Jan Accounts
Date: Thursday 7 Feb 09:16
To: Cheryl; Danny, Ed Hunter
Subject: Re: RE: Re: RE Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Overdue Invoice

Ed,

Paid invoice attached.

Jan.


 Result eh? Was it worth it? Probably, just.

But honestly I would’ve forgone the fee to read this out in court.

One day…