Ed Hunter: As Useful as a Glass Hammer

I don’t like publishing intimate details of my life on this blog. But as a recruiter, that’s where my humour lies.

In the everyday scuffles and scrapes. The rucks and mauls that define the life of a rugby player recruiter. They explain better than I could ever manifest independently, just how crazy this job really is.

It’s evident in LinkedIn posts.

It’s evident in pissed off, masochistic notes left on the database.

It’s evident in email chains.

It’s evident in Glassdoor reviews.

And it’s the last two of those today I’d like to reluctantly advertise.


From: Mark, S
Date:  Monday 14 May 14:36
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: Glassdoor Review

Nice little ‘review’ you left us there mate.

Pretty pathetic and can clearly see it’s you.

From: Ed Hunter
Date:  Monday 14 May 15:06
To: Mark, S
Subject: Re: Glassdoor Review

Alright Marky you rotten piece of shit. Flouting the terms of the restraining order I see?

I’m afraid your verbosity has left me flummoxed. What review is it you’re referring to?

If it’s one of an actual glass door I’m going to shock you. Not the biggest fan. A door should under no circumstances moonlight as a window.

And vice versa. Sorry that’s just the way I was brought up.

That said, I did use a window as a door once. But it was an emergency, the person I was talking to was reallllllllyyy boring.

Love to all the gang that haven’t fled.

Which is actually probably only you. Hope the kids are well.

Sir Eduardo Hunter III esq.

From: Mark, S
Date:  Monday 14 May 15:19
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: RE: Re: Glassdoor Review

I know it was you so might as well admit it!!!

And yeah, I remember the window incident. That’s why we moved downstairs. There’s no pranks since you left. If you’re referring to mine and Lisa’s kids, they’re great. I don’t see the other two, as you know.

From: Ed Hunter
Date:  Monday 14 May 15:34
To: Mark, S
Subject: Re: RE: Re: Glassdoor Review

OK, I’ll bite.

What review? If you think I’m the sort of person to leave petty and scathing reviews on a website, just because I don’t like the owner of a business, you’re spot on.

But in this case, it seems someone’s diary’s a little more free than mine. Would like to buy whoever wrote it a beer though, so do RSVP.

Many wishes,

Eduardo

From: Mark, S
Date:  Monday 14 May 16:01
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: RE: Re: RE: Re: Glassdoor Review

Really mate. Don’t believe a f**king word of it. So you don’t recognise this?!

FFS Glassdoor Review

From: Ed Hunter
Date:  Monday 14 May 16:46
To: Mark, S
Subject: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Glassdoor Review

That might be one of the best passages of writing I’ve ever seen.

It has everything. Ups. Downs. Twists. A sub plot. Can see why you thought I wrote it…

Unfortunately, you’re wide of the mark.

Which is weird, you’ve got the crime solving ability of Morse; the ‘never say die’ attitude of Leonard the coffee machine #fallenneverforgotten and the lateral thinking of Poirot. Without the EPIC facial hair.

Still, if you relaxed your dress code manifesto, it’s still attainable.

Lovingly yours…

From: Mark, S
Date:  Monday 14 May 17:27
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Glassdoor Review

Don’t surprise me you denied it. You were about as useful as a glass hammer when you were here.

I just expected a little more backbone to be honest.

Anyway, don’t take it down. I’m going to report it, so it won’t be an issue.

And you can f**k your stupid little sign offs to

From: Ed Hunter
Date:  Monday 14 May 17:43
To: Mark, S
Subject: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Glassdoor Review

“F**k my stupid little sign offs to…” where?

You won’t get that, it’s a joke about you’re shit grammar. There’s another one. 

Tell you what. If you promise to make your next office somewhere with windows, I’ll track down the perpetrator, cuff ‘em, hog tie ‘em, throw ‘em in a back of a van and dash them off Tower Bridge.

Or, I could write you a template to respond? Think Glassdoor charges for that though.

Drop us your best effort of a hand drawn horse and I’ll have it all go away.

That’s not a bribe I’ve just heard horses are hard to draw and want to enter a competition, so I’m crowdsourcing.

Until our next fleeting glance in the ether, from my family to yours, the one, true king,

HRH Ed Hunter 

Ed Hunter Wolf Head Crown

 

 

 

 

From: Mark, S
Date:  Monday 14 May 17:48
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Glassdoor Review

Unlike you I haven’t got time to waste entertaining this shit.

Let alone coming up with cute little drawings. Got money to make.

Take the review down or I’ll sue you. Simple.

From: Ed Hunter
Date:  Monday 14 May 17:56
To: Mark, S
Subject: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Glassdoor Review

There’s that razor sharp wit I’ve so fondly missed.

Let me spell this out for you chap.

In the immortal words of Shaggy (the artist not the best pal of Scoob – though he was wise beyond his years)…

“It wasn’t me”

However, just to put your mind at ease, I’ve come up with a retort. To stop your mind hopelessly floundering late at night when another employee flees the sinking ship, coincidentally once again, on payday…

5/5 Would recommend. Best company ever!

All the other posts on this company are from people who couldn’t cut it and left. The management are firm but fair. Recruitment is a tough job, but handsomely rewarded. Those who have the guile and work ethic to make a go of it will be hugely successful.

You can tell how much it’s loved by the awards on the walls we definitely definitely didn’t fix.

So there.

A current and if anything, too happy, employee.

________

What ya think? Most of these replies look ‘totes legit’, so I think you might get away with it. If it wasn’t for those pesky kids!

Sealed with a kiss,

Mr Hunter.

From: Mark, S
Date:  Monday 14 May 18:34
To: Ed Hunter
Subject: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Glassdoor Review

Stop emailing me you twat I’ve got deals to close.