31 Things only a Graduate Recruiter will Understand

So, you made it. You dragged yourself over the University finish line. Took the obligatory beaming photo at graduation. Packed up three years’ worth of crap from your student house and then likely found yourself sitting at home. Wondering what the hell you should do next.

Then. Soon after you dismissed another gap year on financial grounds. Recruitment came along. Sliding in with jazz hands and promises.

Here are 31 things that only a graduate recruiter will understand:

1) Perfecting your ‘I know what’s going on here’ face in your first week, but still having no idea what on earth everyone is doing!

2) The insane pressure to be the first one in your group to do a deal

3) Being convinced you’re going to win a huge retained contract in your first week and go down in company history

4) Realising that when you wrote ‘I’m highly organised’ on your CV, you really had no idea how organised you’d need to be

5) Wondering if you’ve made a horrible mistake after your first day calling clients

6) Wondering if your boss made a horrible mistake after your first day calling clients

7) Knowing you’ve made a horrible mistake after your 100th unsuccessful client call

8) Laughing at your old worrisome self from a week ago when you pick up a job from a client call and you sound like you know what you’re doing

9) Smugly luxuriating in the comfort of not being a student anymore and earning a real, proper, adult salary…

10) … then realising how much living in London, commuting and paying back your student loan costs. (Does Zone 9 still mean I can say I live in London)

11) The only reason you use that calculator on your desk is to work out how much commission you’ll earn

12) Working out said commission after sending a CV you’re convinced is a “dead cert”

13) Mentally spending your first commission cheque on a luxurious holiday long before you’ve earned it…

14)…but when you receive it spending half on a night out and the rest on tax

15) But still being richer than all your friends….

16) … none of whom actually understand what you do

17) Learning to dream big. The house? No, the second house. The car? No, the sports car

18) Getting business cards. Yes: I. Have. Arrived.

19) Handing out aforementioned business cards to everyone. Hello Stranger-On-The-Bus, take my card

20) Putting genuine thought into upgrading your business cards ala American Psycho, then remembering you’ve spent your paycheque already

21) Thinking about recruitment whenever you’re not recruiting; dreaming about recruitment; spending all weekend mentally planning how awesome you’re going to be at recruitment next week

 22) Feeling like a boss because you’ve gone from a member of the student underclass to a real-life professional who other senior professionals take seriously (apart from in your own office – where you have if anything a lower social standing than before – HOW?!)

23) Realising that, unlike your lawyer and finance friends, your job isn’t a byword for ‘stuffy and boring’. It’s actually kind of like you never left uni, except now you have money and status instead of debt and a hangover. Except you still have the hangover

24) Realising that the top biller never seems to leave their desk and is ALWAYS on the phone…

25) …Apart from to go on lunches, incentives, company holidays and peacock round the office when making a deal on their headset

26) Aspiring to be like the top biller… only better

27) Wondering whether to get a headset?

28) Trying to think of a short cut to formatting a CV

29) Wondering why anyone on God’s green earth would write a CV in PDF format?!

30) Thinking the CRM is the most complicated thing you’ve ever seen (what does lmtcb mean?)

 31) Realising despite all the hesitations and sweaty palmed cold calls, you LOVE the buzz of making a deal and you LOVE recruitment!!!

So, there you have it. Do you agree? What were your most memorable grad recruiter moments?