You’ve been in recruitment for a while now. You know the game. You’ve seen people come and go in your company like the changing of the wind. You probably have a smart answer prepared for Friday night beers when that 9/10 asks you what you do for a living.
When it comes to recruitment, you’ve earned your stripes!
And because you’re a seasoned veteran, here’s the summation of what you’ve learned so far…
- Realising ‘OTE‘ actually means ‘Obviously Totally Exaggerated’
- Knowing 4 out of every 5 rookies won’t make the end of their second week…
- … And the one that does won’t be the one you (and everyone else) chatted up in the first week
- The first ‘newbie’ to nonchalantly stroll in 5 minutes late with a smile on their face will normally be the first to go
- You can tell a good CV from a bad CV from a 3 second glance
- You know not to count your chickens before the money’s in the bank…
- …But you do every time and start shopping online the moment after sending that ‘dead cert’ CV
- You revel in an opportunity to justify why you’re better than a client’s current supplier, who you know by name
- Hitting target with time to spare and miraculously ‘finding’ a deal on the very first day of the next month.
- 3PM onwards on a Friday is a recruitment ghost town. You WILL NOT get hold of candidates OR clients…
- …But you’ll still try upon your boss’s insistence!
- Lunch meetings with a client on a Friday means a free boozy lunch (whether the client’s there or not)
- You know the exact amount to the nearest pound that’s likely to get signed off on an expense form
- You know the phone number which gets stuck on a ‘VM’ loop when you’re up against the clock for phone times
- ‘lmtcb’ is one of the most pointless things you can write on the database. No one’s checking and they won’t call back
- Pay day = commission day and the best day of the month…
- … But also the day ‘chats in the boardroom’ turn into people leaving swiftly with their head down
- ‘Monthly lunch club’ means shots before your starter is for some reason acceptable…
- … Especially for Jill in Accounts who’s somehow ‘never done a Jaeger Bomb before’
- The company trip means ANYTHING goes
- Walking around on the phone with a headset, while throwing a ball to yourself lets everyone in the office know YOU MEAN BUSINESS!
- All leads, jobs, interviews and CVs sent will be saved for ‘BD Day‘ with the promise of an early finish for the victor
- Sending a connection request to that 9/10 on LinkedIn, to reaffirm you aren’t a stalker…
- … Then panicking when it’s not accepted
- Overhearing your mate say “Yeah I’m a Headhunter” in the pub and correcting them with “he means Recruiter!”
- Spotting another recruiter in a bar from 1000 paces… and being able to guess who they work for… and whether they’re any good
- REALLY wishing you had a life during the week other than recruitment…
- … So promising yourself you’ll take some time out this week…
- … Until that mega urgent job comes in and you’re still at your desk at 9PM
- Knowing that if a colleague leaves their desk to take a call, they’ll be leaving within the month
- ‘Home truths’ and tears are on the menu at the Christmas Party…
- … Along with P45s the next day
- New initiatives rolled out by management are likely to last 2 weeks, but your feigned ‘enthusiastic face’ would get you a lead part in Neighbours
- Knowing full well that sending an introductory email touting for business WILL NOT bring in business…
- … But doing it anyway and logging it on the database
- Wishing some days you’d never gone into recruitment…
- … But mostly being glad you did and absolutely loving it when things go well
There you have it. That’s all for now. Keep fighting the good fight.